People will talk behind your back—your best response is consistent action and undeniable results.
When Colleagues Trash Talk: How to Respond Without Saying a Word
The whispers behind your back
I’ve had colleagues question my decisions, take credit for my work, and openly doubt my competence. It never gets easier, but I’ve learned one thing: defending yourself with words rarely works. You can explain, justify, push back—but once people make up their mind, they tend to stick with it. So I stopped trying to argue.
The most effective defense in business? Delivery. Show results. Meet the number. Fix the problem. Win the account. People can challenge your methods or personality, but they can’t argue with outcomes.
Why people talk
To feel important
Trash talk, especially the subtle kind, often comes from insecurity. Someone’s trying to prove they matter by diminishing you. It's not always malicious. Sometimes it’s just... lazy ego. “I wouldn’t have done it that way.” Or, “She only hit that target because of X.” They want credit without doing the work.
Because they don’t get it
Some people don’t understand how you do what you do—and rather than ask, they assume you must be gaming the system. This happens a lot in finance and ops. People see results but not the dozens of quiet decisions and tradeoffs behind them. Complexity makes people suspicious. So they fill in the blanks with their own story.
Plain old jealousy
Let’s be honest: if you're good, some people will hate it. They see your success as a threat. They don’t know what you’ve sacrificed or the pressure you’re under—they just want what you have. This isn’t a moral flaw, it’s human nature. But knowing that doesn’t make it sting less.
What actually works
Keep receipts—but don’t pull them out
I track everything. Not to use it as ammo, but to stay clear-headed. When you’ve got the facts, you don’t need to get defensive. It also helps when things escalate, like during performance reviews or project post-mortems. Data over drama, always.
Let your work speak
Last year, we launched a product 6 weeks ahead of schedule. I’d caught flak from some team leads early on for making “unrealistic demands.” I didn’t argue. I just kept the team aligned and moving. When we hit launch, those same folks were suddenly quiet. Some even gave grudging praise. But I didn’t need them to. The product was live. That was the win.
Talk less, act more
Trash talkers want a reaction. Give them silence. Give them results. When people come to me with “Did you hear what so-and-so said?” I shrug. “We’ll see how the numbers look.” Not because I’m above it—but because the moment you get pulled into gossip, you’re on their level. Better to stay focused.
Pick your battles
That said, don’t be a doormat. If someone’s actively undermining your credibility with leadership, address it directly—but calmly. Bring facts. Be brief. Don’t vent. Just state what happened and suggest a solution. Example: “There’s been confusion about who finalized the cost model. Here’s the version I presented to finance. Let me know if there’s a better way to align next time.” Simple. Neutral. Effective.
Why it matters
Culture starts in the shadows
Gossip and trash talk spread fast if leaders ignore it. You don’t need to go on a crusade, but set an example. Don’t trash others. Give credit. Be honest when you screw up. Your behavior shows your team what’s acceptable.
It protects your mental energy
You only have so many hours in a day. Spending them worrying about what people say behind your back is a waste. Focus on what moves the needle. That’s what gets noticed long-term.
One last story
A few years ago, I was brought in as interim CFO at a company where the COO thought I was unnecessary. He didn’t hide it. He made backhanded comments in meetings, questioned my numbers, and rolled his eyes when I spoke. I could’ve fought back. Instead, I stayed quiet and rebuilt their cash forecasting model, then used it to renegotiate vendor terms and free up $3M in working capital. After that, he stopped talking. So did everyone else. No speech required.
Book Recommendation
“Ego Is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday — A blunt, practical book about why silence, patience, and outcomes matter more than attention or praise. Required reading for anyone trying to rise above the noise.
What do you think?
Have you dealt with backhanded colleagues? What worked for you—silence, confrontation, or something else? Drop a note. Let’s swap stories.
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